Genre - Dystopian
10 Reasons Why Writing is the Only Job for Me
9. I've wanted to be a writer since I was eight years old, and I won a chance to hear Shel Silverstein read from WHERE THE SIDEWALK ENDS by virtue of my self-illustrated seminal work, THE MYSTERY OF THE GOLDEN DOUBLOON. It was an epic tale of two best friends, who went to Florida on vacation together and uncovered a ring of illegal treasure hunters. They also met two cute boys. I suspect the value of this work is now immeasurable.
8. I am an inveterate daydreamer. Ironically, I also have issues with authority. When following my own path, I work super hard and am ambitious and self-motivated, but I've told more than one boss to f**k off in my day because I can't stand being managed.
7. I use fiction as therapy for things that terrify me. Like clowns, cannibals, demon-possessed monkeys, and creepy dolls. But not all in the same book. Except for the one I'm writing with the cannibal clowns. But you don't have to read it. (You know you want to.) Clearly I have realistic fears. *g*
6. So now that we're on the subject of jobs... I used to be a clown. I'm sorry. If it helps any, I have moderate coulophobia myself, which means I was traumatized every time I looked in the mirror. If you can suggest anything less cool than a college student driving in a bright orange Plymouth Horizon to a gas station grand opening in full clown regalia, including red nose and frizzy yellow wig, I'd love to hear about it. Worst college job ever, and I say that, having worked in a nursing home, changing bed pans. That was better than being a clown. Seriously.
5. I am the kind of woman who can get run over by her own car. With no one driving it. Do you really want me answering your phones?
4. I guess I should explain number five, huh? When I was in college, I was on my way to work (pre-clown) and I stopped for gas. The station was slightly on a rise. I got out of the car, filled up, but didn't set the emergency brake. I had to go inside to pay. When I came out of the station, my car was rolling slowly backward down the rise toward the busy street. I decided it would be a wise idea to sprint and get behind it, because, like Wonder Woman, I would stop a moving vehicle with my bare hands. Instead, the infernal Horizon knocked me down and ran over my thigh. However, my body changed its trajectory enough that it didn't roll into the street. Instead it ran into a pole. I got up, limped over to the car, and went to work 8 hours at the convenience store where I had the night shift.
3. And said job at the convenience store? It wasn't very convenient. (Which is why I eventually became a clown.) A few weeks after my car ran me over, the store was robbed. Yep, I was manning the till. I did not wet my pants. Other than, I don't remember much about it, but that was when I decided that maybe being a clown would be safer.
2. In college, I had many jobs. Many, many jobs. I really wanted to write. I mean I mentioned that in article 9, but sadly, my teachers told me that writing wasn't a real job. So sadly, I decided to teach. Which isn't a sad job. It's an awesome one. But not if you want to do something else. But during my student teaching I had two epic catastrophes: 1) a student pulled a knife on me and 2) I was hospitalized with blood poisoning. I missed a week, and Ball State said it was too much, and I'd have to do the whole semester over. Which I couldn't afford. So no teaching degree. Instead I graduated with a degree in English Lit, and no master plan. Eventually, after marriage and babies and much private wailing about how nobody understood my genius, the publishing world decided I was suited for nothing else...
1. And I sold the 9th novel I wrote. Before that happy day, I wrote sooo many... I could tell you about them. *beam* They were AWESOME. (Not really. They were terrible, but I was only 15 when I wrote my first.) I got better! *Monty Python voice* Since 2007, I've sold 22 novels. Which is awesome. The End. (Or is it...? I hope not. I want to write more.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ann, you are the only person I know who has the ability to run themselves over WITHOUT even driving the car, it takes talent :P And I do think you were destined to be an author, I can't picture you as a clown and blood poisoning and having a knife pulled on you doesn't sound too good either. It's good to think you're young, age is just a number! It's all about the mind...Anyway, guys Enclave sounds like a brillian book, if you haven't heard of it you live under a rock ( it was called Razorland?) and make sure you come back tomorrow for a giveaway and more about Enclave ( I'm so so so so so so excited about it it's not even funny)
PS- Ann, you crack me up and I'm a pretty serious person (...)
Badass Bookie xx